Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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