I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
