So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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