Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
