i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My bed smells like the plague
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
