Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize