Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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