He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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