He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize