butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
