someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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