I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
