The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
