Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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