How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
