Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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