Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
