That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
