I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
