Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
