How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have fence marks all over my body
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize