none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
