Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
