Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
