What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
