where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
