His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
