Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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