also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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