so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Floor bacon is actually really good
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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