Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
