Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've blown a few things in my day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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