what day is it and did you see me today?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
