just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
