we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize