I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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