Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
