do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize