Dual....:-)
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
