I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize