Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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