I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
