I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize