just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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