we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
