I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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