Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
