your thong is hanging out like whoa
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
