Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
