Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
