Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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