I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
