and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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