shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
