Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
