I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
