This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
