Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
