hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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