Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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