why didn't you poke me back
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize