Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
