I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
