I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
