I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
