Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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