This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
