Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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