What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
