You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
