the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
