God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
