so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
