I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
